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 Amy [pirate]

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Lenola



Posts : 1
Join date : 2013-08-31

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PostSubject: Amy [pirate]    Amy [pirate]  EmptySat Aug 31, 2013 8:49 pm

delete it


Last edited by Lenola on Sat Sep 07, 2013 9:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Butterfly

Butterfly

Posts : 453
Join date : 2013-08-06
Age : 20
Location : ....Equestria

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PostSubject: Re: Amy [pirate]    Amy [pirate]  EmptySat Aug 31, 2013 11:09 pm

First issue, her occupation. Such as, swordsman, doctor etc. If she doesn't have one at least say none.

 Second, the personality is a little short. Please expand on it. 

Third, the history is a bit difficult to read as it is all in one big paragraph, please put it in sections. 

I am concerned as to how she "exploded" her father. It doesn't make sense, her ability is the Kage Kage no Mi, not the Bomu Bomu. 

I am a little confused about the history. Are they living on a boat? Because at the end it said people found her "on that boat." Please clarify


She should have some combat techniques, such as Luffy's Gomu Gomu no Pistol, or Zoro's Oni Giri. Something like that. 

Please state something about her mastery of her skills. The rules state that characters cannot have full mastery over any of their abilities, to prevent anyone from being OP. 

Also, you're forgetting something at the bottom of the page, which indicates you have not, in fact, read the rules. Please read them before rping.

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